I am usually a person that can take a lot of stress and be able to handle it. I am usually very flexible and when there is a problem, I can just breathe and know that God is handling it. However, something unusual happened this school year. I had 3 anxiety attacks. I had my first one in my life during midterms last semester. And then another one during finals last semester. And then again during "Syllabus Week" this semester. I knew it wasn't good that I was getting so much anxiety from school but I didn't realize that it was a problem until my supervisor said, "Do you think that you need medical attention for this anxiety that your feeling?" I was shocked. I didn't realize this was a HUGE problem.
In college, there are SO many things going on. There are
exams
homework
quizzes
papers
friends
parties
romantic relationships
heartbreak
conflict
roommates
family
organizations
spiritual life
ETC.
No wonder college students tend to feel so anxious!! But here's the thing. This is what I learned though having 3 anxiety attacks: I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN. I need a bigger power, a bigger thing in my life to take all my problems and put my HOPE and TRUST in. Some college students will turn to
men/women
drugs
alcohol
caffine
parties
acceptance from others
sex
school/good grades
ETC.
I realized that I wanted to succeed so much, that I was depending on myself to get the good grades, to have a perfect social life, to have a PERFECT life...but this perfect life was causing me anxiety and causing me to not enjoy life. So, what should you put hope in for all these things? Who would be the "trusty stead" to lead you?
GOD
I was controlling my life when God wanted to take reigns on my life. I began looking at all of my situations where I was the one controlling everything: my family, my grades, my success in school, my friends, my ministry, my "romantic" relationships. I thought that by controlling those situations, I would have them succeed. However, I was just starving myself. Doing it on my own was keeping me from the only thing that could help me with everything that was hurting me.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit." - Romans 15:13
When we trust in God to help us through everything, and have hope in Him that He is going to take care of all our worries, He will fill us with this hope and peace. This is what I am now focusing on in my day to day life, HIM so that He can provide me with peace and I can rely on Him completely for everything in my life.
One thing that has helped me through this sturggle of anxiety this semester is admitting to my close friends all of my anxious thoughts and calling them at 2 in the morning crying. Being able to rely on people that are Godly women to encourage me, and help me through these things has helped termendous! Just being open to them about my flaws has been SO helpful. But also starting my day off right by being in the Word. In a week period, I had 4 friends tell me about this devotional book. Then to encourage me, two of my best friends sent me the SAME devotional from the SAME book. To me, God was saying loud and clear, "find peace in me and spend time with me through this devotional book" so I bought it: Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. (I urge you, if you're having this problem, click on the title of the book above. It will take you to Amazon, where you can purchase it. I highly suggest it!) I have felt so much joy and peace this week due to changing my perspective. I can't do this world on my own, I need my Jesus :)
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